I have the tendency to do things haphazardly. It's called "Following the heart", they say. And now, I hear the heart telling me that it needs a huge break. It's all in a big mess. Just when I thought I've given it enough healing for the past year, I realize it's not enough. Or will it ever be enough? I can't forgive myself for all the things I did and all the things I didn't do. I guess I will never be able to forgive myself. I've yet to live for myself. My life is such a huge mess. But then again, if I choose to speak, any word that I say, I won't ever be able to take them back.

This may just be a relapse.